[Fact is always stranger than fiction. A National Commission on Cattle or Rashtriya Govansh Ayog was appointed by the Govt. of India in 2001 and the recommendations it made can be seen on website
It was year 2001. Atal Santa and Lakki Banta were in somber mood. Banta looked into the mirror to admire his moustache nth time. Banta always takes a little longer than usual in self-admiration at critical times. Issue was serious. A Jugatguru had threatened to go on hunger strike demanding special legislation for cows. Atal Santa did not remember when he had last seen a cow, not to speak of any commitments he had made for protecting it. Memory had never been a strong point with him. Forgetting was the bedrock on which his political deftness rested. It had enabled him to win gullible friends shelving the temple project, sweeping particle 370 under carpet and putting uninformed civil code on backburner. Though, when needed he could be counted upon to overcome amnesia selectively to remind others that he was after all a swayamsevak. This was the time to enjoy pelf of office. How come an old man with little understanding of politics was bent on spoiling it?
Banta sensed the opportunity hidden in the move. So the meeting broke off with a decision to appoint a “Rashtriya Govansh Ayog”. The Commission did a remarkable job in giving its recommendations in less than a year's time considering scope, breadth and sweep of its study. It studied the status of cow from times immemorial and then charted a vision for it for the next 20 years. It ventured into areas like mythology, psychology, poetry and shastra, which no other commission had dared before. To enquire into the status of cow in the times that are too old to have written documents or in the times when the villagers were too illiterate to record anything, it has reconstructed the history to date. These now form part of cow-and-bull approach to historiography. As noted by the Commission in the preface to its report, "Himalayan obstacles" in the form of bureaucratic mindset had to be surmounted in preparing this report. But for the caliber of people gracing the panel, it would have been impossible to come up with such an extra-ordinary report.
The Commission was highly concerned about democratic rights of cows. It proposed “prohibition for slaughter of cow and its progeny” to be included in “Fundamental Rights” or as a “Constitutional Mandate anywhere else, as an Article of the Constitution”. In its opinion, prohibition should not be kept only in the Directive Principles or Fundamental duties, as neither of these are enforceable by the courts. The Commission has noted approvingly that none of the countries in the neighborhood of Akhand Bharat has a sizable population of cows. There is no evidence of cows ever having invaded India. Indian breed is therefore a pure breed. To have appropriately nationalistic cows cross breeding with imported cows should be banned. Presumably this is to avoid legal and moral impasse at a later date when cows get right to vote and stand for election.
The Commission suggested stopping subsidies for purchase of tractors and use mechanical appliances in agriculture so as to tackle unemployment among cattle. Instead, “the use of bullocks in ploughing and bullock-driven tractors, generation of power through indigenous electrical equipment and carts” should be subsidized, promoted and encouraged. It recommended renaming FCI as Fodder Corporation of India, with branches in all states, and to subsidise the fodder sale on the pattern of food subsidies given to ‘Below Poverty Line’ people through the PDS. Burning fodder be made a criminal offence and growing fodder for cows should become a priority.
The Commission suggested launching of an education and awareness campaign, in which “Farmaans” issued by various Mughal emperors, Akbar, Humayun, Jahangir, and Bahadur Shah Zafar prohibiting cow slaughter during their rule, should be widely advertised both in electronic media and other media.
The Commission favored creation of Central Cattle Protection Rapid Task Police Force with regional offices and branches in all States. It should have a special force deputed on the Bangladesh border to prevent the cattle exodus from the Border States and also on the Kerala's borders with Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka. Finally, the Commission exhorted Atal Santa to rise to the occasion by implementing report and join the list of all time greats of India such as Emperor Ashoka and Akbar on the one hand and Gandhi and Buddha on the other.
Atal Santa always had this craving for greatness. Now, when it had presented itself to him on paper platter, he could not let this opportunity pass; even if getting compared with the greats linked with Buddhism and Islam could be unsettling for his cadres. A blushing and flattered Atal Santa sat down with Lakki Banta to draft a bill on the lines advised by the Commission, and enforce it on the states utilising a special device known as Entry 17 of the Concurrent List. Banta too felt that after winning in a pre-decided battle, it was time to bring cows in Parliament to placate thegosevaks in black caps. Atal Santa's vision of greatness got a rude shock from Indian diversity when his draft was opposed by his own outfit from Meghalaya! He had also forgotten to consult his cyber specialist, among others. As a result now, the cows have come home to roost.